World Cup Cricket 2007: sneW

Here I am sharing the lighter side of the news associated with ICC World Cup 2007. Most of the content here is work of fiction - mainly to amuse the readers - any serious readers, pls. forgive me for my insensitivity to your and many others sentiments

Hail Tendulkar:
Tendulkar is expected to be the Star Indian batsmen - every countryman loves, worships, respects. One way or the other, the money that belongs to millions of Indians, gets siphoned into paying the big buck prizes to players like Tendulkar & Dhoni. And in return, all we ask is to show some commitment to the game which brought you all these virtues.
Well, atleast Tendulkar showed that recently - how ? I just came to know that on 3/22 (yes, the day before the do or die match against Sri Lanka), out dear S A C H I N was busy in a ribbon cutting ceremony at late night - no wonder he scored "1 less than 100" against Sri Lanka - its just the way you look at it : 100 -1 = 99 (what Indians expect), 100 -1 = 0 (what Sachin scores as does not feel culprit).

Hey Dravid - Thanks a million for losing:
First of all, thanks to Amit, my friend for the contributing to this article on my blog.
Now, many many many thanks to Dravid and his boys for losing this game for the population of India. If india would have won the match (dreams sometimes come true....), it would have played another 6 matches of super eight before it would have got out in the semifinals. Now,
6 matches * 8 hours per match = 48 hours
10 crore viewers * 48 hours = 480 crore hours of man power
Assumming on an average 1 man hour in India is equivalent to Rs 25/- of productivity.
480 crore * 20= 12000 crore Rs saving.
Compare that to the Indian Railway Budget - Lalloo ji - ka kahet ho - dravid se gau mata ka gobar saaf karaenge kaa??

India's equation in World Cup 2007 - Latest:
So, now that India once again fulfilled its resolutions to uplift the desolutes, the minorities - in this context - the small neighbouring countries of Bangladesh & SriLanka, the only chance for India to still, yes....I said STill,....yes...yes..yes.......I said STILL make it to the Super 8 round - is for Bermuda to win against Bangladesh. Current standings:
-------------------------------
Country    Points    NRR
SriLanka        6        + 4
India              2        + 2
Bangladesh    2        - 2
Bermuda        0        - 5
-------------------------------
In case Bermuda wins on Sunday, the final standings will be:
-------------------------------
Country    Points    NRR
SriLanka        6        + 4
India              2        + 2
Bangladesh    2        - 2
Bermuda        2        - 4
-------------------------------
and - India will move into: >> Super 8 ROUND.
ELSE, India will move into: >> Super 8 MOTEL (I dont think they will dare return to India after today's match).
So, in order to ascertain that Bermuda wins against Bangladesh, Dravid and Chapel offerred Bangladesh to borrow any 3 players from Indian side & strengthen Bangladesh side.
Bangladesh's answer:
"C'mon man - are you kidding ? Are you planning to go for the Indian Laughter Challenge ?
Even if we agree with the offer - which players you think we should take ?
Sehwag ? Who hits a good score once every 10-15 matches - and has already fulfilled his quota recently for the rest of the world cup - agreed, that he might be one of the greatest batsman in the world, but we might be better off rather taking his new traditional Indian dresses.
Ganguly ? With all due respect - few more succesful games - and the indian ad campaigners will pre-occupy him so much with non-cricketing assignments, that he will be no better than the rest of Indian tigers - we better go for his Pepsi ad assignments.
Robin Uththappa ? Who finished all his blasting performances before entering world cup - now good for nothing ?
Tendulkar ? The less we talk about him, the better - agreed, he has been the best batsman in the world, but we will be better off vying for his Ferrari.
Yuvi ? We believe we have more consistent players - agreed, he has been one of the best fielders in the world,but we would be better off rather having his girlfriend.
Dravid ? The one time wall - now gettings cracks in it - dont know when the wall breaks - we would better like to get all his female fanhood.
Dhoni ? Who now forgot to "dhona" - time has come to instead do his "dhulai" - cut all his hair - and make him walk the streets bald and face blackened out - he would better get a role in movies and stop playing cricket.
Bhajji ? First give him a lesson in "Team Play" and how to do "Spin Bowling". Tell him that he is a middle order tail ender - his job is to come and keep his wicket and do some hitting - not try some blind hitting, waste balls and lose wicket - what da' h@#$ happenned to his "DOOSRA" & "TEESRA" & @#$#
Kumble ? He better go back to engineering - his flippers are good ONLY against floppers (flop teams - like India).
Zahir ? Ask him to become full time bawarchi (cook) and take care of his restaurant back home. He too needs a good lesson in "Team Play".
Agarkar / Munaaf ? Wonder how come selectors think them (with such slow run-ups and lack of aggressiveness) to be strike bowlers ?
So, keep your players with yourself - only Indian selectors can be blind enough to take them into Indian team - not us.
We will have better chances to defeat Bangladesh with our own Bermuda players rather than borrowing players from your Indian team.

Cricket World Cup 2007: sweN

Here I am sharing the lighter side of the news associated with ICC World Cup 2007. Most of the content here is work of fiction - mainly to amuse the readers - any serious readers, pls. forgive me for my insensitivity to your and many others sentiments.

India's loss to Bangladesh
What the whole world knows:
India lost badly to Bangladesh.
What the world does NOT know - Why ? What was the basic reason for the low score from India ?
Recently a friend of mine was asking me: "Isn't an outgoing batsman suppossed to advise an incoming batsman regarding the conditions on the pitch ? Still the Indian batsmen were unable to keep their wickets and contribute towards a big score - why ?
Actually, if you had watched the telecast closely, there was hot babe sitting on the flushing lawns - doing some queer things. And this is what every outgoing batsman had to say to the incoming batsman, e.g. to Bhajji: "Hey Bhajji, lookout to your left, there's a hot babe supporting Bangladesh team. Everytime we screw up something, she gets up and "
- Enough motivation to Indian Tigers :-)

Bob Woolmer died after Pakistan's defeat at the hands of Ireland
Another big news was of Bob Woolmers demise. For sure, a sorry news and a big loss for cricketing world - especially Pakistan. But what remains a mystery is how he died - Heart Attack or murder or suicide.
Well, here is the bottom line. He was found to be having blood coming out of his nose. Some of you might be knowing, that nose bleed accompanying death can also be in case of brain-haemmorhage. But why will Bob Woolmer have brain haemmorrhage - after losing to Ireland, Pakistan is already out of the world cup and thus there is not much left to think about anyways. But here is the secret - just after the loss, Inzy was in deep thought and was telling Bob what he expected when they go back to Pakistan after such a dismal performance - "Back home, people will welcome us with garlands of shoes. They will hit us with Chappel (flip-flops)......" Now this put Bob Woolmer into deep thinking. If Pakistan is losing, why will the Indian coach be hit alongwith the pakistani team by pakistanis. Now, will it be true the other way around also - meaning if India loses, then Indians back home will hit indian team alongwith Bob Woolmer ? This was the reason for his deep thinking and eventual....

Lamenting on Bob Woolmer's death
After Bob's death, Inzy also announced his retirement - why ?
And now, there is chance of Pak players joining Indian team - why ?
Well, it so happenned, that when the Pak players were lamenting Bob's death, the Jamaican Prime Minister came to condole the Pak team. It turned out that she started hugging the players who seemed to be taking the incident deep to their heart. For the male-chauvenist pak society, this was a blessing in disguise - suddenly all players looked very sad. And if you happenned to see the coverage of the Prime Minister visiting the Pak team, you would see some players eagerly waiting for their turn with the premier. Ofcourse Inzy too (even being a very religious person) did not want to miss this chance - but he was shocked when the premier, instead of hugging him, asked him to take care of his players (btw, this part was also aired on different international channels). This made Inzy very upset - so - in order to create a soft corner for himself, he immediately announced his retirement - and got from the premier...you know what.
Now, what happenned next is very interesting. When these clips were aired in Pakistan, immediately the Pak government decided to banish the pak players (all who had done the hug....) from entering Pakistan.
Now, with the coach gone, chance to go back to Pak gone..... the only other coountry who can understand them is India - so they are seriously thinking of joining the Indian cricket team - good for India, but what about Veeru then ?

India's proposal for next World Cup venue
Now, how can the indians be left behind in this hug & embrace race. Dravid asked Chapel to die - Chapel denied. So, now, understanding that ther is no chance for the hugging thing in near future, India is strongly proposing for the next World Cup to be held in Pakistan (???) or in USA (?????). If Madame Benazir wins the elections next time, then the World Cup be held in Pak (for obvious reasons :-)), else, if Democrats win the elections in USA, then in U..., but wait a minute - is that for Hillary ?? Noooooo. Indian team has found out that Clinton's are grooming Chelsea for the premier position once she grows up - for that reason, Chelsea is now accompanying the Clinton's to such condolence / celebration places - got it !!!
But who would be the next coach then ? Chapel does not want to die. Well that still remains to be answered - any suggestions ? Mr. Bachchan ? Atleast we get to see more of Ash....

Sachin's last World Cup
Interestingly Sachin announced recently that this will be his last World Cup - why he decided that - we are not that interested here - but we are surely interested in the word that is going around, and that is - "Sachin is planning to play one more world cup in 2010". Why ? Already answered above. But what about Sachin's preparations for that ? Well, he already started preparing for it. And knowing that he will have hard time making the indian public understand such change of decisions, he has found a clever way. He is planning to announce thus - "The right handed Sachin is playing the last World Cup - Next World Cup will be played by the left handed Sachin". Hmmmm....Did you watch the India v/s Bermuda game ? You could see he is already practicing for that - start with the reverse sweeps !!! Out of all the different records made in the game against Bermuda, a record which hardly anybody noticed was the maximum number of reverse sweep shots played by any player in any ODI game. Sachin tried - atleast 10 to 20 of such shots - on first few, he got no runs, on next few, he started getting singles, on the next fews, he little mastered the stroke even further and got some doubles and triple, till it finally came to the last few reverse sweep shots when he actually got boundaries off them - keep in mind - all this time, the long-on and long-off boundaries were pretty open as could be seen from the shots played by Yuvi, etc. - but just he had the knack of playing the reverse sweeps on that particular day.

Last one for today ......Ramp up to first World Cup 2007 game
Quick one. When we were kids.....or let me start like this...when I was a kid, my mom used to restrngthen my resolutions during final examinations in school -"Just one more week to study hard, after that a month of holidays.....". I think that is a pretty basic thing each of one has to remember throughout the life. But looks like the Indian team management got the goals all messed up.
First warmup game - good victory.
Second warmup game against West Indies - thrashed them.....even better.
What next.....He he he ....time to Enjoy !!!! Take a break....go for swimming in the ocean...take a submarine ride....go for drinking at night ........(excuse me ...the World Cup is yet to start - eh.?)
Next - loose badly to Bangladesh.
Next - news about Flintoff's removal from vice-captain position for going out drinking after loss to New Zealand - Dravid was wondering why ? What's the big deal - we just did the same thing - only that we did it other way around - went for drinking and enjoying before the loss????????????????????